not a huge day
it's ok need some recovery time from last weekend and clara sleepover as well as cort this wee she is with her dad and has had two days off
I need time to myself i am just like that it is like oxogan for me that down time alone space full of my own brains rambling
I think when you look at my house and my jewerly you realize that when my kid is gone I am working not out partying but working on things cuse things take time
art takes time
so if I paint an image of myself it is of someone hard at work in what stillness she can find
he might get off paying less child support but you know what I don't care as I told my lawyer the recoard of non pament speeks for it's self and if he tries to come off like dad of the year the consitancy of his lack of payment seys something in it's self
I can hope that the judge will think this guy is really a loser but you never know how things will go in court
it is going to be ugly I can see that alrady but I am not afraid and I am not afriad of him
Alexander S. C. Rower & Holton Rower
Yale University Press, 2007
197 colour & 59 b+w illustrations
"The Eight of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in space. I am true to myself and will only regret the chances I don't take to seek or follow my hearts desire. I turn away from or make a clean sweep of that which does not honor or sustain my passion and love, and in this, I am not afraid to be alone. I am empowered to move forward or make space and my gift is letting go."
I have sent you my invitation, the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout,”yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.
Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
Spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
And I will show you how I reach inward and open outward to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.
Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.
Tell me a story of who you are,
And see who I am in the stories I am living.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.
Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be…..someday.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
Truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next…
I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
The place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall,
to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?
And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other,
Let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.
Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
The places where you can risk letting the world break your heart,
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.
Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us
Shout that the soul’s desires have too high a price,
Let us remind each other that it is never about the money.
Show me how you offer to your people and the world
The stories and the songs you want our children’s children to remember,
and I will show you how I struggle
not to change the world , but to love it.
Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.
And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest intentions had died away on the wind,
Dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale of breath that is breathing us all into being,
Not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within
Don’t say “yes!”
Just take my hand and dance with me
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow. if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of future pain I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and there for trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, everyday, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
gabrial was at the moon dance this year his studio is over in WRJ clara loved the butterflys they have flashing nion lines that light up at night on the wings very cool and his maskes are great